All posts by trust-betrayal

My Family Betrayal

Our family is heart-hurting me. My family does whatever they can to hurt me. I was adopted out as a baby. My whole life, as I battled with depression and Fetal Alcohol Effects, and mental illnesses, my family went just short of completely ignoring me.

I hurt so deeply, that I spent 15 years self-harming. I never felt loved. And they still don’t love.

My mother died, and I was there for her. I did burn out the last one and a half months. I am not kidding you one bit. She exhausted me. I was so tired could barely stand up. I ran on coffee and pure determination to care for a mother that never loved me. I knew she never would. I did it anyway.

At the funeral, my brother ignored the contribution I had made, even going so far as to deliberately hurt me. I thought about suicide. I really did, until I thought, no! I won’t give them the satisfaction.

I hurt deeply. I did more for her than anyone else. Not that I wanted anything. I didn’t want any inheritance from a woman who maligned me to everyone.

Looking back, I would have still done it, but my family tries to hurt me a lot. I am a deeply sensitive person and I am devastated at such cruel mistreatment. I was grieving my mother… went to her funeral today, while my brother took over her place in emotionally abusing me… I have deep anger at them.

They judge ME, when I, as my mother put it, put them to shame. I just hang my head in depression and loneliness.

It’s really really hard to be treated so cruelly when I’m grieving and STARVING for love, compassion, and understanding. I guess I should block them. They’re never getting anything out of me again.

It’s not that I hate them (but I do hate their cruel behavior) it’s mostly a matter of trying to protect myself against a family that enjoyed hurting me during a very very dark time in my life.

To everyone else, going through the hell of having an unloving backstabbing “family,” my heart breaks for you and with you.

We must support one another, and you are not alone.

I’m sending you a great big warm safe hug. Be strong like always and DON’T let them get the best of you. You matter. Try not to feed the wolves any bad words or actions, because then they’ll just say “see what an evil person he or she is.”

So, hold up your head, and behave, and never forget that you are not alone and that it’s THEIR shortcomings, not yours, that matters.

I bet you have a beautiful, loving soul, and I know that you are better than them. Cut them out of your life before they try to use you, hurt you, and your energy is best spent on those who DESERVE it. God bless you.

And Stay Safe,

~ Mary

 

Evil Sister Terrorizes Sister and Mother

I am being Evicted from my mother’s land and my sister is making me go to court and making me pay for court cost and she is leaving my mother by myself and has made it so difficult for me that I cannot go help my mother because of my evil sister.

She has her 3 spy cameras and 3 Alexas and says she has them put up to watch mother but she has crossed a line with me that cannot be forgiven. My soul, mind, heart, body, and everything I have is on the line and she is enjoying herself.

Why is she ruining my life and everything including my time with my mother? I have not been able to get a shower. I am suffering and she is leaving my 84-year-old mother by herself from 8:pm until 8:am and I have just been bullied completely out of my mother’s life and off her land and none of them are doing anything about her mentally abusing me and my mother.

I am not able to do what she is telling me to do and she is doing it so I will lose my life forever, and my soul. This is by far the most she could ever do to ruin my life and make me sick and make me homeless and I will not make it through this and she is getting away with murder.

Why is she making me leave? She had my brother move out and because I was going to have my mother’s house inspected for black mold and asbestos, just to see what she has been breathing, all hell broke loose.

She has flipped it over on me, so she doesn’t get in trouble because she’s not been doing anything about my mother’s home.

She has stolen her identity and she has been making my mother live like a prisoner in her house and she has 3 spy cameras inside and 3 outside plus 3 Alexas. She monitors all my sisters and whoever else that have the spy cameras on their phone, so they can listen and watch everything that you say or do, then use them as weapons against me or my brother.

They are trying to make me lose everything and they have forced me out of my mother’s life. They have all betrayed me and disowned me and abused me and are all evil and deceitful. They lie and slander me and falsely accuse me of doing something all the time.

They never wanted me around. They want me gone because I stopped being their slave last month because they had been sending videos of me to different people and to my son making me look bad after they had provoked me to express anger. But she did show them that part. Only what she can use to manipulate me and slander my name.

My life is in danger of being abused and homeless for the wintertime and I don’t know what to do anymore. My RV is all I have for now.

All of them have husbands and homes and they have all been doing good.

They have never wanted me to be a part of the family and now they have evicted me and they do not seem to be sorry about it. They don’t have enough sense to know that they are going to have to pay for what they have done to me and to my mother.

She’s a prisoner in her home. They just let her sit in one place all day long and before I started working with her to get her to go to bed earlier they would just let her sit up in that chair all night. Never help her out.

All they seem to care about is money. It’s just a job to them because they are getting paid and they are making me leave because they have never wanted me around. They have always hated me and pretended otherwise, but it was all fake as they are.

They all think that they can get away with this mental cruelty and abuse and mistreating my mother and me and my brother.

Before they all showed up, we were a happy family. My brother lived in the basement and I had my RV outback. I don’t have any money to rent anything yet or a place to put my camper and everything I have.

I have just been sick and none of you so-called “family members” seem to care and they have not taken up for me. My mother is all alone now, because of foolishness, jealousy, greed, pride, stubbornness, and unforgiveness.

This is the straw the broke the camel’s back

This is not of God’s will and soon they will find themselves in trouble because they are wrong.

Linda May

Take Back Your Power from Family Betrayal

TAKE BACK YOUR POWER

Now you’re back in the driver’s seat of your life, you’re taking your power back. From here, you can safely and assuredly do what you need to do to confidently set the boundaries to protect you from the family member who stabbed you in the back.

It’s up to you.

You can still maintain a relationship with a family member who has betrayed you, just remember this:

Do Not Retaliate.

If you do, that just makes you sink to their level, and it’s an indication to them that they won.

If they can get you to react, they win.

It proves they have control.

Don’t give them the satisfaction.

Instead, bless them.

I use Hoʻoponopono.

You can place your hand over your heart and say (with your inside voice, but it can be interesting when you try it with your outside voice) these words:

I’M SORRY.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

THANK YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

These releases both them from you, and you from them, without any judgment.

Do not respond. Just let it be. Change the subject, or walk away.

No defense. No guilt. No accusation. No shame. Only love.

If they keep hounding you, you are under no obligation to put up with that.

Leave.

They may be family, but you already know you can’t trust ‘em as far as you can throw ‘em. So love ‘em but keep yourself at a safe distance.

After a while, they may come back and want to ask forgiveness and reconcile with you.

You’re still loving them, but you don’t have to trust them.

If you choose to, you can allow them to prove their trustworthiness, little by little, over time.

You can forgive them, but you’re no fool.

You learn from their past transgressions.

You don’t judge them for it, because who knows what was going on in their life when they betrayed you. Life changes. People and circumstances change. You are highly adaptive, and you are not accusatory because that’s beneath you.

You are cautiously aware.

God bless you for getting free and taking your power back.

If you’d like to take more steps to get complete control of your life, you can check in with any of my friends at St Paul’s Free University, or if you think you’re being called to help others who have been betrayed by family, you can get ahold of any of us here today, and we can help you help others who are walking in those very same shoes.

Or you can contact me. I’m David M Masters, and you can find me at davidmmasters.com

Previous

 

Family Betrayal Disconnecting the Emotional Control

Here is a simple method that you may employ for disconnecting the emotional control your family member is wielding over you which keeps you disabled. This is how you get free from the burden imposed by family betrayal.

Tap Cross Therapy (TCT)

We are going to apply some Tap Cross Therapy to quickly and easily release the psychological, emotional, and physiological pain from the betrayal, so that you can have the emotional bandwidth to get back on your feet because without this emotional space you are more likely than not going to be focusing on the transgression more than on your own life.

This can lead to obsessive behavior when you just can’t think of anything else but the crime that’s been committed against you making you relentlessly and continuously the ongoing victim.

If you can release yourself from the pain, you can focus on you and your life again.

I’m going to demonstrate on myself, so that you can see the points on your head, then on your body, where we are going to tap in succession.

First, the third eye between and slightly above the eyebrow line, then the chin, followed by the outside bone at the corner of the eye and the other eye. Then we will tap similar points on the body because there is a lot of negative energy stored not only in your head but the body as well.

Start by tapping on the forehead again, the belly or solar plexus, the shoulder, then the other shoulder.

Before we get started, I want you to get a firm picture of your family member that betrayed you, stabbed you in the back, and ramp up the feelings of anger, of hurt, of all the emotional bruising, because you’ve been victimized by someone you should have been able to trust more than anyone.

Think of all the emotional bruising, the unseen inner wounds, and scars. The disgust, the beating yourself us, because not you feel like you should have never trusted them in the first place. Your bleeding heart and the scars from these transgressions which have been left behind.

Put your mind on these things, how wrong it was, how you were wronged and on a scale of 1 to 10 get your emotional state up to a ten, and you are clearly hurt and pissed.

So, when you say the words, “You betrayed me.” You feel it all, everything, all the pain, drama, and trauma, at a level ten. Ready? Let’s do it. Repeat after me, “You betrayed me.”

Oh, man, I can feel that. I’d be pissed, too, but you can do better. Ramp it up more, you were betrayed. Hello? Make me feel it, get angry, and repeat after me, “You betrayed me!”

Okay, I believe you. It’s time to get yourself free.

We’re going to be repeating the following phrase as we tap each one of these locations.

“I LOVE YOU

I TRUSTED YOU

YOU BETRAYED ME

YOU HURT ME

BUT THIS STOPS

HERE AND NOW

YOU CAN’T CONTROL MY LIFE

I’M TAKING MY POWER BACK

YOU CAN’T HURT ME ANYMORE

I AM FREE.”

Repeated eight times, once at each tapping point.

Put your hands together, respectfully bow, and say, “I love you.”

And you are free indeed.

You started at a level 10, on a scale of one to 10, now weigh the words, “You betrayed me.”

See? An amazing transformation, a miracle happened right here, right now in this room.

We could have spent months in counseling and therapy to get you to this sacred space of freedom from the pain and angst from this betrayal, and we did it right here, in just a few minutes.

This is my gift to you. You can conduct Tap Cross Therapy on yourself, anytime, anywhere, you need to establish safe and sacred space, to get control of your faculties when someone’s betrayed you, or you are feeling overwhelmed by negative emotion about anything.

NEXT   —   (previous)

 

Family Betrayal Cut the Cord that Binds You

CUT THE CORD

We’re going to cut that cord today, so that you can stop letting them drain you of your power, allowing you to get a grip and get ready to take your life back.

With respect to all our participants here today, and all those that are watching live, online, I am going to take you through a process that will cut the cord between you and your betrayer.

If you are a little freaked out about engaging a process which may connect the energetic tie that binds you to your family member, keep this in mind:

You can participate in this exercise and break the tie, and if you feel like it was a bad idea, you can reconnect the cord at any time.

So, if you’re ready, I want you to clean off your lap, stop taking notes, and put your hand on your heart, and close your eyes.

Take a deep breath in, hold it. When you release it, say “Ahhh…” Ready? Ahhh….

Good job.

This next breath in, I want you to imagine your breath going right into the area of your heart. Ready?

Breathe in. Hold it. This time when we release the breath we’re going to “Ah” with a little more energy and enthusiasm. Ready, “Ahhhh!”

Okay, now I want you to rub your hands together, like this, just like as if you were sharpening a knife or a saw. Your hands are going to be the tool we are going to use to cut the cord. Keep sharpening.

Do you feel the warmth?  Okay.

Put your hands palm-down on your lap.

Open your eyes.

Now, watch me I will show you the cutting process, then I want you to do it in unison with me.

If goes, like this, I slap my legs twice, then clap my hands. I’m going to do this three times. On the third time, when I clap my hands together, we’re going to hold them briefly while I count to three, then with force, we’re going to push them past each other in a cutting motion and say, “Cut!” Like this… (see example)

Ready? Here we go.

Slap slap clap

Reset

Slap slap clap

Reset

Slap slap clap hot it!

1, 2, 3, CUT!

Okay, put your hand on your heart and repeat after me,

“I’m sorry.” (I’m sorry)

“I love you.” (I love you.)

“But you gotta go.” (But you gotta go.)

Now wave, and say, “Bye bye.” (Bye bye.)

Now you are free.

Now, it’s not over. We still have work to do, but at least you’re disconnected.

This will give you some space and keep them from draining energy from you. And they will try to reconnect to you again, because they will notice the loss of your energy, and if they do, all you have to do is rub your hands together, do the cutting motion and say, “Cut,” to yourself. Then you’re free again.

Now it’s time to release the emotional angst, those feelings from being betrayed by someone you trusted, by someone you should be able to trust, by your family member.

NEXT   —   (previous)

 

Stop Family Betrayal Who is Most Likely to Stab You in the Back

When you’ve been betrayed, you need to stop the active negative vibration of that relationship. Every second that you are allowing yourself to marinate in the vibration of betrayal you die a little bit.

I’m not kidding, family betrayal is more serious than a heart attack.

Every moment that passes and you are in that vibration, your immunity system is compromised.

The longer you stew in it, your biological system rots away. You lose sleep. You are more susceptible to disease and decay. And if you let it go long enough, you can get Cancer. Let it go long enough, and you will die.

So, the first order of business is to get yourself toa place of safety and security.

Remove yourself from the vicinity of the family member who has betrayed you.

If for whatever reason you are unable to isolate yourself from the perpetrator, then you can create a safe place within your physical environment. Stay in your room if you have one, and if you don’t have a room, you can pull a Viktor Frankl and create a safe place in your mind.

Frankel was a Nazi war-crime medical guinea pig, who was tortured by Nazi scientists as they conducted despicable experiments on his body, but he was not going give them the satisfaction of destroying him, so he made a safe place to go to in his mind.

He vowed that while they may be able to torture his body, he was not going to let them have him, who he really was, and he protected his mind, heart, and soul by creating a safe place, a refuge of solitude that he would go to in his mind.

If you’re interested in finding out more about Viktor Frankl, you can check out his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, if you dare. It is brutal, enlightening, and if you’re feeling like you’ve got it bad, believe me, it could be worse.

Okay, let’s say you’ve created a safe environment for yourself, what do you do next?

Then begins the process. The process of dealing with the emotional trauma of the family betrayal.

You must be willing to create your own identity, separate from the family member, whoever it is.

Who is the family member who is most likely to stab you in the back?

You might be surprised to discover that your mother is the most likely the family member who will betray your trust, followed by your spouse, then both parents?

What? Is that crazy?

If you can’t trust your mom, who can you trust?

The Top 7 Family Members Who Will Betray You

  1. Mother
  2. Spouse (3x male)
  3. Mother and Father
  4. Children (3x male)
  5. Sibling (3x female)
  6. In-laws
  7. Extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc.)

Interestingly, male spouses and children are 3-times more likely to stab you in the back, while female siblings are 3-times more likely to betray their siblings.

Now that we know which family members are betraying you, what can you do about it?

Cut Them Loose
& Let Them Go

Cutting a family member loose is not as easy as it sounds because the bond goes very deep. It’s as if you are connected by a very strong cord, and you are.

The invisible cord that emotionally binds you to your family members is not unlike an umbilical cord. It is an energetic cord which you share that energy passes back and forth between the two of you. When negative energy is transmitted by your family, you feel it.

And when they desire to drain your energy for themselves, you feel the life force as it drains from you. When a family member sucks the life out of you, this is not unlike an energy vampire.

If you don’t do something to cut the cord, he or she will continue to drain you of your resources until there is nothing left of you.

NEXT  —  (previous)

 

Family Betrayal

By David M Masters

Most people are never the victims of family betrayal, but know this: when you are stabbed in the back by a family member, you are not alone. You’re not the only one who’s been betrayed by family, though there is nothing more surprising, because

If you can’t trust your family?

Who can you trust?

These are the people with whom you share a sacred biological hereditary and familial bond. You share the same family tree, yet here you are face to face with someone you were closer to than anyone else, should be able to trust more than anyone else, who would give the devil a run for his money.

So, the wounds you suffer when you’ve been betrayed by family cut deeper than any other type of emotional of physiological wound you could suffer at the hands of any perpetrator or evildoer you could ever encounter in your life.

And I know something about the pain you’re going through.

My name is David M Masters, the author of Trust Betrayal, transfiguration specialist, lead trainer and coach at St. Paul’s Free University. And this is my family. These priceless treasures are the reason I do what I do and continue to live and breathe every day. And I could not imagine betraying them in any way.

But “family” is more than blood.

Family is a relationship that surpasses the boundaries of blood, or even legal obligation. You are bonded by something sacred and trustworthy. That is until that bond has been violated by betrayal.

If you’ve read the bible, you may have noticed that the first family recorded depicts the worst of the worst circumstances in dysfunctional family dynamics where in this worst examples of sibling rivalry plays out with Abel’s being betrayed by family member, Cain, his own brother who killed Abel in cold blood.

So the propensity for violence and abuse from within the family unit is nothing new, and since then it’s only gotten worse.

How could this happen?

Well, there is this sociological mechanism that has been put into place to keep us separated and the whole world profits from family dysfunction and betrayal.

We’ve come a long way from life on the farm, in a time that you couldn’t live without reliance on your family, not for very long anyway, and if you did leave and strike out a path of your own, chances were very slim you would survive such a decision. So, trust was extremely important, because back then, families were not made up of individuals, a family was a cohesive solid relationship, necessary to be tended to in order to survive.

Today, family is like most things, where the trend is toward disposing of anything you don’t want or are done with. This does not just refer to packaging or disposable diapers. This thought process is permeating every system and function of our modern culture and is infiltrating the once-sacred family unit resulting in disposable families.

You are connected to your family and its natural to feel that connection. Your family is the first representation any of us experience in terms of love, and it creates a bond that is sometimes destructive. For instance,

If a social worker comes into a family to retrieve a child with bruises and broken bones to take the child into safety, the child will kick, scream, and violently resist in an attempt to remain with the abusive family member.

Is that you?

Look at you. You’re all grown up. You know now that if someone is pummeling you, you need to stop that activity and get yourself to a safe place, right now.

If someone in your family has betrayed you, ask yourself:

Is this family member toxic to me?

If the answer is yes, you need to take action to protect yourself. Why?

Because when you are being betrayed by a family member, someone you trusted more than anything – which you should be able to do – Right?

I mean, you wouldn’t do that to any member of your family.

NEXT

Screwed Over by Family

I always grew up thinking it was normal to be bullied physically, mentally, emotionally, endlessly. I was always shamed, blamed and in trouble. Fast forward to age 61 and nothing has changed.

I always hoped that somehow this ‘normal’ could be purged with forgiveness, love and being the bigger guy.

My widowed ‘mother’ screwed me over for 11 years with her neediness while my siblings went on holidays and tended their own nests. I helped with everything she needed to “live independently” and recently spent six gruelling months organising in home aged care in a highly un navigable system. I had surgeries myself that i was recovering from, and needed to keep working a i am a divorcee on a low income. I was arguing a lot with her because she demanded so much and refused to follow doctors instructions often, and refused to address her hearing loss that is largely selective. I put my hand up for help and my “brother” said he would take over for awhile as he was retiring. We had a conversation during which he validated all my concerns and added a few of his own. I gave him details of everything in complete trust and faith following that conversation. The deal was that i would be on hand to help as needed and to take back over when he needed a break. He and “mum” then, without any word to me, changed all contact details, barred me, stripped me of powers of attorney snd guardianship, and undoubtedly exec of estate and altered the will. I wrote to her and expressed my disgust and sadness…that i would do mediation but no response.

I do not believe that she would be deemed unfit to change poa etc as she can turn the charm on and off, but i do believe she would be easily coerced by her son to do anything he wants as no matter how negligent a nd absent he has been, he has always and forever been her golden boy and i have always and forever been the scapegoat.

There is a will, and i know that it will be changed and that i can challenge it on several grounds, but that is not my focus right now. I am independent and have not used her as a financial crutch in any form. I never even asked for petrol money. I am gutted that people who i have tried to love and give a fair go would treat me worse than a criminal. But they do a d they did.

I do get cranky and swear and slam the odd door, but not without immense provocation. Her last words to me were “fuck off”. So i did. And i will remain fucked off, even when she inevitably has a fall or needs something done, or when this honeymoon phase is over and her usually MIA offsprings arent visiting her so much….novelty worn off..

I am very upset at myself for offering up, unconditionslly, such a chunk of my life that i will never get back. I cannot apologise to myself enough. It is that list chunk of life that i grieve for, and need to move on with life.

If she begged me to return to her life now, there would be boundaries. But she would never agree to them as he would not let her. So i am moving on with life as best as i can and consider that it would be unhealthy for me to attend her funeral when that time comes.

I wish on every star in the universe and beyond that i had broken contact many years afo.

AL

Betrayed by Family too

I have also been betrayed by family in the worst way possible by 3 adult siblings (and a couple of their spouses). My story is so unbelievable that I don’t tell anyone ever about it, not even other victums. It basically involved 3 adult siblings in their 40s teaming up, “getting rid of” my parents in order to take their house and money, and get their inheritances immediately instead of waiting for our parents to die on their own. One of the parents was also horrible (like them), the other a good person (like me). In the process they also tried to “get rid of” me (i ran and hid for my life basically), I can only assume to get my share of inheritance. It doesn’t end there either. They did the same thing to one of the spouses parents for inheritance, “got rid” of them. Sick sick people. Yet from the outside they appeared to be nice decent respectable people. They were very good at wearing masks.

The why:

What I want everyone to know that’s here is that many times these relatives have a personality disorder and are a narcissist, sociopath or a psychopath (this term isn’t used anymore clinically). It runs in families which is why an entire family can be narcissists or sociopaths. They are all part of a group of personality disorders called “cluster b” personality disorders. They all share a complete lack of empathy for others, and are not capable of feeling remorse or guilt no matter what they’ve done. Selfishness and being self centered is also prominent. They just don’t care about anyone but themselves and aren’t capable of caring – their brains are wired differently. They can murder their own mother or their own child and really not care, like they were stepping on a bug or something.

Where we come in:

Many times in a “cluster b” family, one (or more) child will NOT have inherited the personality disorder. The child will usually be more sensitive, have empathy for others, believe in doing the right things, etc. This can even go to an extreme to the point of being what’s called an “empath”. These normal and nice people like us born into a family of narcissists or sociopaths become the target, or the “scapegoat”. The reason we are attacked and betrayed is because we are GOOD PEOPLE and they are not – they are like a pack of wolves wearing “nice people masks”.

Please research narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths to get an understanding of how your family was capable of doing to you what they did. Sadly this will also make you aware that unfortunately there really is no hope with them and you’re best bet is to disappear from the lives and break all contact for the rest of your life. The current term is going “no contact”. It’s hard and I think about them daily, but I know what they are, and they are incapable of being anything else. And I will not let them have another chance to betray me again or be responsible for my demise (where they failed the first time).

Knowing the reason doesn’t make things better but it will make you understand why and how it happened to you. Be strong and make your own life completely independent of them.

JRR

Betrayed by My Family

I also know what it is like to be betrayed again and again by my family.

Just tonight I rang my father to tell him I’d found the mother and her child that my sister had denied was the result of a union with her deceased son 18 years ago.

I know, it sounds positively Dickensian.

My father had asked me to find out the woman’s name and details a week ago. I needed to speak to my youngest sister to get those details. I had recently discovered that I had been told what appears to have been a series of lies that repudiated the baby’s paternity and maligned the mother’s character.

My nephew’s superannuation appears to have been the reason the mother’s claim was rejected. My youngest sister provided the contradictory evidence. She then volunteered to find the current whereabouts of the woman and her child., but I felt she was going to procrastinate as she has done before.

My dad had asked me to find out the identity and name of the mother with a view to knowing more about her and her child.

Today I rang my father with the news he had been looking for; I had found her. My father crossly said, “Now what did you do that for?” I replied, “Because it is the right thing to do and you asked me to!” He then gave me a long spiel about how unfair I had been to put the matter onto my sister who “already had far too much on her plate”.

He went on to repeat even more negative information about the young woman told to him by my youngest sister, suggesting she had not only one extra boyfriend to my deceased nephew, but two. This is new gossip about the woman.

I really feel that both my sisters have consistently slandered this woman. There is simply too much information that is sordid and too much of it is contradictory.

Both sisters have revealed a propensity to lie in the past.

My youngest sister told my father that the woman had never reached out to the family. That is simply not true. She reached out to both my sisters and two of my nieces, inviting them to her son’s Christening, but they all rebuffed her. I repeatedly tried to explain to my father that my sister had volunteered to find the woman.

I had later decided to go ahead as well as my sister had been very unclear about when, as well as where she would look for the woman and now 18 year old child. She has a history of making commitments and not following through on them.

Once again I feel betrayed by my sister. As a result of talking to my youngest sister, my father has decided that this woman is evil and she would only bring problems to the family.

He is no longer interested in knowing her and her child even though there is a strong possibility that the child is his great-grandson.

It has been years since I have had anything to do with my sisters. I only recently, at my father’s request began seeing them again.

Despite helping both of them almost whenever they’ve asked me, they have ganged up on me time and time again. They demonize me and do not speak to me for years at a time

Friends warned me not to get too involved with my sisters again this time. I think they were right. Now my youngest sister is laying low and won’t even answer the phone to me.

This is all taking place at the same time as I am taking care of her adult son, rent/board free who has had a lot of issues.

I despair of ever getting through to my sisters. I really feel they both suffer from borderline personality disorder. The youngest one is too easily led by the older one. I have realised that I am completely out-of-step with both of them because I have a totally different value system.

I am about doing the right thing. My sisters operate on the basis of expediency and self-interest. They are about “letting sleeping dogs lie” as my father said.

I am also really cross with my father. He may be an old man, but he knows right from wrong and he had been fully supportive of my quest before my youngest sister got into his ear. He really will not think things through for himself.

I have decided that I am going to go ahead and contact this woman and meet her son and judge the situation for myself, without telling the rest of the family.

My nephew, currently living with me, is 100% supportive of me, saying that his mother is too easily poisoned in her thinking by my other sister. He agrees that it is the right thing to do to contact the woman and her son to find out the truth and establish an ongoing relationship if at all possible.

~Julie-Anne Bennett

I Get Family Betrayal

I truly, truly understand what the people who are betrayed by their families are going through.

I have been betrayed by my daughter and son-in-law. They were experiencing cash flow problems, so I lent them a lot of money in good faith, thinking that of course, they would pay me back.

However, all I’ve had in return for my generosity is lies and deceit. Whenever I try to broach the subject of the money with my daughter she gets very abusive, and I just end up feeling devastated.

I’m 61 and was relying on that money to help me in my retirement, but they have cleaned me out. They are better off now. Far better off than me. But it looks as if, sadly, I’m not going to get my money back.

I’m heartbroken.

I have no other family to turn to.

One of my sisters lives on the other side of the world and the other lives in a different part of the country, and she doesn’t want to be seen as the bad aunt by supporting me, which is ironic because my daughter can’t stand her and her family. Not that my sisters and I were ever close in the first place. My mother made sure of that!

My daughter also makes it very difficult for me to see my grandchildren, so it’s a double whammy of betrayal. I don’t think she has said a kind word to me in years, even though I have tried my best to be a supportive mother. I know that I’ve done a lot more for her than some mothers I know would do for their children, so I just don’t get it!

Why? Why? Why?

My daughter is toxic beyond belief. She told me recently that she is happier not having me in her life. Of course, if I’m not in her life, she won’t have to pay me back will she?

I know that I’ve just got to accept that she is lost to me. Being without family is indeed a very lonely place to be.

With that in mind, I would like to start a support network for like-minded people. Is there anything this site can do to help me in this endeavor?

~Lynn Dean

I Tried to Be Good but Was Betrayed by My Own Family

I’m crying after reading How to Get Over Betrayal by Family.

My whole life I tried to be the good daughter but the harder I tried the more my family beat up on me. I was the scapegoat.

Every single success I had was met with name calling or criticism or beatings.

Even as an adult, I was treated differently from my siblings.

There was one point in my life where my sister betrayed me and my children then I found out through my father, so matter of factly, that he and my mother were also behind it.

One could say I was conspired against. The worst part about this was I was just on the crux of ‘making it’ it a very competitive industry. They sabotaged me so badly that I was in financial ruin and couldn’t attend a huge presentation for one of my projects. I missed something so special to me. I had been working on it for years. But that wasn’t the end of it.

Even from afar they would call people up and tell them what a rotten mother I was.

My mother died recently and nobody bothered to tell me. Not that I shed a tear since I can’t imagine my worst enemy doing what she did to me throughout my childhood. But again, my siblings probably raided the house. She died without ever saying she was sorry or was proud of me or loved me.

This happens to a lot with people. And since we still go by ‘honour your parents’, people don’t talk about the abuse and betrayal at the hands of their own family.

This leads to self-blame and a continuation of attracting saboteurs.

I told my doctor, I get better treatment from strangers than my own family. Knowing my history, she said she wasn’t surprised.

In my case, I will probably never see any of my family again. Which, logically, I know is the right thing for me, but I still need to give up and truly mourn the dream of ever having a loving father and siblings.

~MK

Pain of Family Betrayal

Oh my, the pain, the hurt, the betrayal, the estrangement, and the loneliness!

I feel it all but I also feel love and gratitude.

I know who I don’t want to be and I thank those people who aren’t family who have listened to my anger and tears and stuck by me.

I feel for all of you who have shared your stories of betrayal by family members. I think we all should come together and build our own community of love and family.

Holidays, birthdays are the hardest and facebook hurts.

What thing I do know is things are not what they appear. Happy family photos aren’t even real most of the time.

Anyway, I won’t go on about my loss of family.

I can tell you I am 53, divorcing after 25 years of marriage, I’m estranged from one daughter, during a time I needed family my sister betrayed me and my mother and aunt who agreed with my betrayal have joined my sister as she is getting married and didn’t want to not be part of it. So I have been discarded.

I have had severe trauma from my father who is a narcissist over my life as well.

So that said I have to focus on what I do have… one daughter who does communicate with me, a few loyal friends and I have reunited with my first love of 30 years ago who is my rock and his lovely kind mother.

I have a new tribe. It’s very small, I lost a lot of friends over my divorce.

Anyway, I’m not perfect but I love deeply, I am loyal and I would help anyone and I have supported my mom and sister for all my life. Yes, you heard it: since I was 6 years old I raised my mother.

I’m a natural caregiver, however, those days are gone. I’m now going to nurture myself and those that truly show me love and respect. Life is too short and none of us know how long we have?

So please, you beautiful loving hurt souls… cry when you need to and validate yourselves, love yourselves, find your tribe…

Still, trust and be kind.

Those that have hurt us are not fully evolved in my book, but they gave us one gift and that is a spiritual awakening about ourselves and we have grown stronger and wiser because of this adversity.

My wish for us all…. peace and kindness ❤️ Now go find your tribe (New family)

~Karina

Betrayed by Son and His Wife

I did too much for my son he had no father in his life I felt guilty so I indulged gave into his demands and soon realized nothing I could do for him was ever enough he left school early blamed it on me even though he left after I got his all his stuff uniform etc he left school and later on in life when his brother was doing well got a well payed job he got jealous he blames me even though he joyride the principle car

He was never going to be able to go back to school after that and his jealousy of his brother got worse as he thought by marrying an older woman who had a car and nice house

He was young and dumb only now does he realize that what he thought was the easy way out to get what he wanted with out having to work for it but he didn’t as his wife is a control freak and she always has to have her own way

He is emasculated in his own home. No wonder he made attempts to end his life but is it just to get attention as he made one before, took vitamins. He doesn’t seem to realize that she can use this against him if in time the age gaps getting worse.

He started trying to get back into her good books by treating his mother bad as she’s only 10 years older than her. They wouldn’t let her get in pictures with them for her daughters debs even though they invited her over just to upset her. She pretended it didn’t bother her, put up a nice post and tried to not let them upset her but they stepped up again this time when she told them straight up that she thinks her family, who are much larger, could actually help out more as she’s done minding the autistic child in her home.

Even for them, they are considering part-time resident care but in the meantime he pretend to to have a crisis or maybe he was and as they never let her see her other grandchild it isn’t in her interest for her to let them use her home.

He pulled down curtain rail broke blinds damaged numerous stuff in her home laptop etc and they never paid her back for it. Took it out on her when they didn’t follow the instructions on medication and blamed her when she went on holiday to blackpool.

She tried to ring hospital but they wouldn’t let her have permission to get information on how he was. They wouldn’t take the birthday present that was a water fountain. He loves playing with water as autistic kids can be and denied him it just to spite me, and for a whole year she watched the toy out the back and anger set in. She threw the toy into their garden. It was returned the next morning but she felt better for it as she took their abuse and bad treatment for so long since 2013.

She invented her daughter in law for dinner didn’t eat it, was never not once invited on holiday with them or Christmas.

It’s now 2018 they come over the day before Christmas eve take the stuff, be lucky to see a glimpse of them, and no Christmas day visit.

She offered to take kids to pantomime. They said they were bringing kids never offering for her to go. He comes over with him unannounced and expects us to drop everything for them. I be busy doing things in my house, they leave as house is not to his standards, even though his child has wrecked it. Never tidies it up, just leaves kids have gadgets, barely noticed me. I’m on my device too.

I want to spend quality time with them not always on their terms. I want to take her after school, do things with as they have her very spoiled. I don’t want to make the same mistakes with her I did with him. He got everything, more than my other sons. He abandoned his younger brother who is now not well. He’s not involved as he has his autistic child to deal with but it’s her. We both don’t feel welcome in their home. They only come over when there is something in it for them.

He’s selfish. He and his wife only care about them and I’m done. Sometimes you just have to let go of people who don’t care about you. They never helped me out when his brother was in hospital. They didn’t collect us and said get public transportation, even though he had a Zimmer frame as he was only after getting an operation and stitches. Had to beg nurse for taxi fare after getting sandwiches for him and I rang them before that and they said they were but after a no show I rang again. They could not.

After all I spent it on food. She felt sorry as I couldn’t believe that they would be so heartless but I never asked them for anything after that, even though I did still help them out.

I was starting to feel a mug but kept hoping they would change their selfish ways but they didn’t. They cut me out, got my daughter to take over the grandkids, and I felt a double betrayed as they turned her against me as well.

I’m done with them all. After they used me to mind her when she was in hospital but as soon as she’s available they want to use my home, no use their own, and he had the cheek to say I don’t do anything for the grandkids. I did more than her family but I think they want her family’s attention by getting them to mind the grandkids. It’s not going to work, as they haven’t in 7 years, so I hope my daughter cops on like I did.

Eventually, when the get respite or residential, if they do, they lose money. So I don’t think they will.

His wife is money hungry. She’s just going mad that I finally have it good as his brother is actually helping me out for once. The other two-legged it when they got in relationships, never handing up money to their mother.

~Donna

Dealing with Betrayal

You’ve put your trust in someone because you’re an honest, open person. The trust that you felt for this person was at such a high level that you let your guard down, possibly were more transparent than you’ve ever been… and now, you’ve been betrayed. Right now, you can even recall a time when you’ve felt so bad like you’ve been punched in the stomach, had your throat slit, been beaten and thrown into a ditch and left for dead.

Trust-Betrayal-David-M-Masters-dealing-with-breach-of-trust-healing-how-to-trust-again

 

Betrayal comes in many shapes and sizes, so it’s difficult to discern what to do next, but be aware, when you’ve been stabbed in the back (so to speak) by someone you’ve trusted and you have been betrayed, it is important to get your wits about you, make healthy choices and take appropriate action in an effort to not make things any worse than they are right now.

Friend Betrayal

I was betrayed and I was hurt Im better now stronger than ive ever beenWhen you’ve been betrayed by a friend it cuts deep, especially it was a best friend betrayal, because the closer you are to a person (as in the case of a best friend) the more vulnerable you have been. It’s likely that you’ve shared sensitive information that you entrusted to your best friend and now you’re regretting having opened up so transparently. When your best friend betrays you it’s reasonable to feel a range of emotions including sad, hurt, fear and anger.

When a friend betrays you (any kind of friend) the degree of vulnerability normally adjusts to the relationship’s level of trust accordingly. Your friend could be a co-worker who has regular access to other co-workers and friends complicating things further.

“I can’t believe my friend betrayed me.”

When friends betray you, you can feel as though you need to defend yourself, strike back, flee or withdraw from society altogether. Yet, you should refrain from doing these things, if you can, when you’ve been betrayed by friends.

Family Betrayal

There is no doubt that family betrayal will rock anyone’s world. I mean, if you can’t trust your family who can you trust? Your level of exposure to family members is exponential when compared to friends. Your family knows just about everything about you and could use this information against you.

When family betrays you, hopefully, you have a friend you can trust, or seeking out a coach or counselor to help you keep your head screwed on straight as your family makes you feel as though it’s just you against the world. You need someone in your corner, who can help you empathetically when your family betrays you.

Love and Betrayal

The one person that you have been the most exposed to is your love interest. Your boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancé, husband or wife knows you more intimately than anyone and when you’ve been betrayed by a lover, if you’ve been truly in love with this person, all your emotions will be maximized.

Little hurts worse than being betrayed by someone you’ve opened up to completely and have shared intimacy with. Your heart feels as though it’s been stabbed and left bleeding out as you ponder, “Why?”

How to Deal with Betrayal

When you’re immersed in the pain of betrayal, it’s difficult to think straight. Here’s a simple exercise that you can perform that will release the pain of being betrayed that will help you to approach the betrayal from a logical perspective:

Penny for Your Thoughts

Once you’ve been able to remove the pain, you will find yourself thinking more clearly.

You can find some peace by not thinking of yourself as a victim and realize that the person who has betrayed your trust and faith is not an evil person. In most cases the one who has betrayed you is a victim of life circumstances which has made him or her strike out at others in this way.

Betrayal leaves wounds and scars that made me strongerYou will find that it is not so much about you, as it is the pent up pain and frustration of an individual suffering from low self-esteem, self-loathing and a life of pain which causes them to act out in this manner.

Get Trust Betrayal on Amazon
Get Trust Betrayal on Amazon

If you’re an empathetic person, as you begin to realize this, you may be inclined to reach out to the person who has betrayed you in an effort to help him or her. This would be ill-advised, as it is not your job to try to fix this person, and it could be very well that this person is not salvageable. Even if he/she were, your attempts are likely to cause you more undeserved pain and loss.

You’re better off avoiding the excess drama and find ways to move on.

You can find more ways to deal with betrayal in my book: Trust Betrayal.

Betrayal Wounds and Scars

It is not uncommon for people to struggle with issues and the aftermath of betrayal. The emotional wounds from these breaches of trust can inflict sufferers in physiological ways. The emotional pain from betrayal can be as devastating as being stabbed in the back with a knife (thereby justifying the origin of the saying).

Betrayal leaves wounds and scars that made me stronger

Have you been emotionally, “stabbed in the back,” by someone whom you have trusted?

Betrayers come in a wide variety of flavors. Some can be relatives and/or loved ones, sometimes the most intimate love-relationship that one can have with another human being. You may experience betrayal by a friend, co-worker or mentor.

Because we all have different life experiences and personalities, we all respond to betrayal in different ways. A specific betrayal may be of little effect to one person, while another may suffer exponentially; this suffering can be primarily internal, or may express itself externally, or physiologically.

When betrayal has been recognized, the emotional open wound is fresh and the pain may be great. After a while, the pain fades and the emotional scar tissue begins to form. One’s mind begins to filter all information as being potentially harmful, and you may begin to take on the attitude that, “I’m not putting myself out there again,” in a fearful effort to isolate yourself from the possibility of experiencing a similar type of pain in the future.

It is one’s natural fight-or-flight response to protect one’s self from pain and it makes perfect sense… but the cost can be enormous.

The worst thing that can happen to someone suffering from betrayal of trust, is to run the self-preservation-routine resulting in embitterment and over-protecting one’s self in an attempt to prevent anyone from being able to hurt you in such a way again.

The problem with this is; you know, in your heart, that you have so much to give. The sensitive people have special gifts and abilities that help to make the world a better place; they increase the quality of life for others (some who may be extremely less fortunate). Building protective walls around you will also result in cutting off exposure to others who need your light and influence.

The bitterness and fading pain of betrayal breeds a more cynical outlook on life and also comes at a physiological price that may lead to autoimmune deficiencies, illness and a laundry list of diseases.

If left unhealed, little by little, the light of those who illuminate our local community begins to fade and as it fades dramatically, so does the overall general outlook for us (or the world) as a whole.

Since there is no law against betraying another person (although some laws may be broken in the process of the betrayal), those who are emotionally less-equipped to care about the feelings of others run rampant throughout our society victimizing the empathetic shining stars with little regard to the negative impact their actions might have.

I was betrayed and I was hurt Im better now stronger than ive ever beenIf you are suffering from betrayal, scheduling a one-on-one session with a counselor or coach can have an immediate calming effect on your peace of mind and quality of life.

You do not have to be a victim. Instead, you can learn from this event and turn it around. In fact you may find that this event can hurl you into an empowered and optimistic future that can change the future of others and the planet in such a way to bring clarity and focus to your life.

Utilizing specialized skills, a good coach or counselor can work with you hand-in-hand to put you back in control of your emotional wellbeing. You might be surprised to discover that this episode has prepared you as a mentor to help others struggling with similar circumstances.

You can do this; without giving up on being a blessing to others, and continue to achieve your highest and best.

You can find more ways to deal with betrayal in my book: Trust Betrayal.

 

Friend Betrayal

What can you do about friend betrayal? You trusted your friend, you believed you could trust your friend, you felt confident that your friend had your back, and now you’ve discovered that your friend could not be trusted. You’ve been betrayed by your friend. You didn’t see it coming, and little feels worse. Your heart sunk and you feel like you’ve actually been stabbed in the back as this person, whom you’ve trusted has betrayed you and is twisting the knife, even now.

Friends can surprise us by doing the darndest things when they betray us. You could never have prepared for friend betrayal and they will betray you in ways you could have never even thought of.

Friends have broken trust with friends and betrayed their friends by having an affair with your partner, by sabotaging and keeping you from achieving your highest and best, rallying your other friends to turn against you, spreading rumors, gossip, dirty laundry, or telling others tales of sensitive information you shared in confidence, talking behind your back, breaking promises, assaulting your financial wellbeing, fronting you off in public humiliating you, judging you for circumstances beyond your control viewing you in a negative light, blaming you for something they (or someone else) did, aligning themselves with someone else’s false accusation(s) about you, and the list goes on and on… as the betrayal leaves wounds and scars.

How can you deal with the betrayal?

Review the betrayal but don’t ruminate over it endlessly, every time you imagine the betrayal, it creates the emotional response and damages your wellbeing. Reliving the betrayal reduces your immune system and causes emotional and physiological deterioration. Stop it.

Try to think about the betrayal from your friend’s point of view. Considering his or her life, what’s led up to this point of betrayal, what might it have felt to the betrayer? Ask yourself, is this a one-time event, or is it something you might witness again?

If you are able to look at the betrayal from a wider perspective, taking all things into consideration, could your friend have thought he or she was doing you a favor or helping you out in some way from his or her perspective? Intention may offer the opportunity to avail the benefit of the doubt, or was he or she deceptive or maliciously motivated?

Remember that your friend is more than this betrayal. There is a real person in there and the person who betrayed you may not have had any intent to do so, taking an action (or not taking action) without thinking through the consequences of his or her action or inaction. Review the good qualities your friend has and balance these against the betrayal.

Ready yourself for having a conversation with your friend about the betrayal. Find a centered and calm space within you for having this uncomfortable conversation, without accusing or blaming your friend. Simply and honestly tell the story from your perspective, let your friend know how you feel, and let your friend respond from his or her point of view.

As your friend explains his or her side of the story, try to listen without judgment, you might be surprised at how differently the situation looked from your friend’s perspective. Or, on the other hand, your friend may only be harshly defensive or defiant and unapologetic. Take the negative response under advisement as a red flag for maintaining a friendship into the future.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me

If your friend has betrayed you once, you could give your friend the benefit of the doubt. If you’ve been betrayed twice by the same person, now you know that you can expect to be betrayed again.

Remember that your friend is not a bad person, but you must manage the sacred space which surrounds you. This is your responsibility to create a safe environment for you to live your life. You may have to change the relationship, proceeding with caution in the realization that your friend cannot be trusted with certain things, just understanding that your friend just is as they are, and you cannot (and you shouldn’t even try to) change him or her. Another option is to sever the relationship altogether.

Friend betrayal will certainly have an effect on the viability of your friendship over time, and it’s up to you to decide whether you can successfully manage a friendship which has suffered such a transgression, or whether you’re better off without having this person in your life at all.

Life is short. Create a life for yourself that leans toward your enjoyable, life-affirming better life, your best life, and find ways that you can live in a manner which can lead to making the world a better place with integrity and love.

Life After Trust and Betrayal

Yes, there is life after trust and betrayal. Because you don’t live in a vacuum, you want to trust someone enough to establish a close relationship wherein you may share the intimate portions of your life. While relationships of all kinds are readily available, most of them are superficial at best. Yet you long to have a deeper connection with a person, someone you can be honest and open with, someone you can depend on, someone you can trust.

Trust doesn’t come easily, especially for you, if you’ve trusted before and have suffered the consequences of trusting someone who was untrustworthy or demonstrated betrayal of trust. If you trusted someone, then found out later trusting them was not in your best interest, then there is the likelihood you have been wounded by the experience.

The betrayal leaves wounds and scars which cannot be seen by outward appearance, though the emotional suffering which results from a misplaced trust can be much more painful than being bludgeoned by a gang of bloodthirsty thugs, and last much longer.

Is it any wonder you might think twice before entering that dark alley of trust again? How can you know if you can trust someone or, not?

You have a natural inclination to trust others, or not, based on the conditions under which you were raised. We learn either to trust or not trust others with the sensitive details of our life when we are young, and progress through adulthood.

Trust is a give-and-take endeavor, if you feel as though you cannot trust others, you will not likely be as open and honest as you could be, and you will live a heavily-guarded emotional life, feeling mostly disconnected and alone, but also have a sense of safety by not exposing yourself to potential betrayal.

You’re no fool. You are a keen observer of others and can decide whether someone is trustworthy in ten seconds. Every now and then, you find someone. Someone who appears to be trustworthy, someone you resonate with, someone you call friend, and you believe you can trust him or her, so after prolonged observation and data collection, you open up.

You put yourself out there, even if it is infrequently or a rare occasion because you desire this deep connection with another person, one that can only be achieved by trusting someone outside yourself who reciprocates with an equal degree of trust. This is the basis of true intimacy.

Then, before you know it, the trust is broken and you’ve been betrayed by your friend. Though, if you could consider the possibility, even if only for a moment, there is a forty percent chance the breach of trust was the result of your self-fulfilling prophecy.

You allowed yourself to question the idea of trusting anyone, therefore if you actually do trust someone, you expect to be betrayed, so the betrayal manifests itself, even if no betrayal actually took place. Not the best approach in dealing with betrayal.

It’s true, in many cases, a perceived breach of trust was actually a tragic miscommunication between people, which appeared to one or more of the participants as a breach of trust because that’s what he or she was looking for. When the red flag of mistrust was first perceived (even though it may not have actually been waived) the person who expected betrayal, points a finger and shouts, “I knew it!” Further supporting the position that no one can be trusted.

Casual relationships needn’t rely on a high level of trust and are therefore easier to maintain. Given a certain amount of time, a superficial relationship can morph into a more intimate relationship unbeknownst to the person who would otherwise be unlikely to trust. Nonetheless, trust slips in under the radar, and before you know it, someone else has trashed your trust in them, yet again. Though, in this case, there was never any expectation of trust communicated.

It is best, when communicating any sensitive information to someone, to at the very least, let them know that you are trusting him or her, as if to place a delicate crystal bauble in his or her hands with the expectation that he or she will care for it respectfully, protecting it from harm, so as not to damage it while in their possession, and have them acknowledge their commitment to you to keep it safe. It is clearly understood that you do not expect, and it would be devastating to you if he or she threw it onto the ground and crashed it into a million pieces.

Not setting the ground rules of the expectation of trusting someone with something is just not fair, for how is the person supposed to know, as we all regard different things as “sensitive information.” What might be highly sensitive to one person might only be interesting or humorous to someone else, without the proper supporting framework. After all, we can’t possibly know what’s going on inside someone else’s head.

And if you’re carrying around emotional wounds from past betrayals of trust, consider the idea of letting the anchors to those painful wounds go.

If you can allow your mind to conceive of the idea, you might be able to imagine the point of view of your transgressor. What if he or she was doing what they were doing (which encompassed the breaking of your trust) from an entirely different perspective than your vantage point, when the betrayal occurred?

If it is true, that

we are all doing the best we can with what we have

Then, there was no malicious intent of the person who conducted the breach of trust. In fact, that person had no idea (or maybe they did) that trust would be broken. What was going on in the mind and life of that person in that period of time in space left him or her with no other option but to make the decision to take the action which hurt you.

Has there ever been a time when you were falsely accused due to a misinterpretation when someone was unable to see something from your point of view?

If you were that person, had lived his or her life up until that point, and if you were under the exact same circumstances as he or she was in, in that moment… You would have done the same thing.

You could recoil in self-righteousness and say, “No, I wouldn’t.” But that is not true because had you been that person, you would have done the same thing, likely not for the reasons or with the intent which you have associated with the other person’s actions though.

Through empathetic understanding, try to imagine what was going on inside the emotional body and mind of the person you felt betrayed by. Why might they have felt like there was no other option? Be brave enough to try to compassionately imagine what it might have been like to been him or her in that moment in time. How hard might it have been?

Then, if you dare, forgive them, one by one.

You don’t have to tell them or confront them, you only have to forgive them in your own heart, and if you have the ability and the courage, to not carry a grudge and let it go.

There is hope for you, even if you believe that people cannot be trusted, that you can live to love and trust someone in a deeply connected relationship.

You have much love to give.

Betrayal

There are so many types and styles of betrayal that to try to delineate what betrayal could construe would be fruitless because you know what betrayal is. You know what betrayal is between two or more people and what it feels like if you have ever been betrayed; and who of us has not experienced a betrayal at one time or another?

The idea of betrayal assumes there is someone who is actively betraying (antagonist) and someone who is being betrayed (the protagonist). In essence, for there to be a betrayal there must two parts of betrayal, a “betrayer” and a “betrayee.” This also assumes that there is a good guy (the one being betrayed) and a bad guy (the one doing the betraying).

The pain associated with being betrayed can be immensely powerful and overwhelming across the entire spectrum of emotions. On one end of the spectrum a victim of betrayal can be overcome with hatred, anger, even become violent. On the other end of the spectrum, someone can be so hurt that they get depressed, completely immobilized, cognitive and physiological systems start to shut down, and may even consider taking their own life due to the betrayal.

Betrayal is a serious business and comes at an incredible price to participants involved in the betrayal.

The first order of business in a betrayal is the protection of the person who feels he or she has been victimized or hurt by the betrayal. As soon as possible, the victim of a betrayal must be able to find a safe place to prevent further victimization, and actively find ways to feel good enough to seek healing and a better state of being happy, if possible.

A victim of betrayal must have the raw materials (energy and reasonably cognitive state) to work through the process of healing with the least amount of damage to self, the person who betrayed him or her, or others who may be impacted by the betrayal who may or may not have participated in the event.

Once the victim is feeling good enough to deal with the details of the situation, then processing the details of the scenario can be broken down and evaluated. Keeping in mind that in every negatively impactful event in life, there is a secret/hidden treasure to be uncovered which is a clue or harkens the victim to an enlightened state of personal growth.

Seek to understand and retain the precious lesson(s).

The motive is an important component in a betrayal, for some betrayal is intentional, while other forms of betrayal can be accidental or unintentional. This can cloud and complicate judging the part the antagonist played in victimizing the one who has been betrayed.

It can also complicate any hope of healing the relationship between two players in an interpersonal episode of betrayal. If the relationship is strong enough, there can be hope of healing, but trust is hard to rebuild once it is broken.

A significant breach of trust can possibly be forgiven, but the rebuilding of trust after a breach of trust will take time.

Once the healing process has been initiated, regardless of the impact and the players, a victim of betrayal may seek to opt out of the cycle of betrayal altogether.

This will sound like an impossibility at first blush, but given time to simmer, the idea may become more appealing over time.

There are a growing number of people amidst the awakening process who are bulletproof when it comes to victimization. These people can never be victimized, are less likely to judge others, and are more accepting of life’s natural unfolding, extracting every drop of goodness without being negatively affected by anything that might have previously considered “bad.”

If you keep an open mind, you can get there from here.

How to Get Over Betrayal by Family

Who would have thought you would be betrayed by your own family? These are the people you trusted, you grew up with, they’re supposed to have your back, not stab you in the back. Regardless, welcome to the real world with one hell of a wakeup call, so now you need to know how to get over betrayal by family members.

You must come to grips with the fact that betrayal by family members is quite common and has been going on for years. This is a key component of some of the greatest stories and melodramas of all time. There’s something terribly unsettling with not being able to trust your own family.

Who is better qualified to break you down and expose you for every weakness you have, or any misstep you’ve ever made but the people who know you best and have been the closest to you. Even the Bible warns of it, “your worst enemies will be the members of your own family” (Matthew 10:36) and if that wasn’t enough, try this on for size, “Even those closest to you–your parents, brothers, relatives, and friends–will betray you. They will even kill some of you” (Luke 21:16).

While you might expect to be the victim of betrayal of friends or most anyone, it never occurs to you that your family might be the ones who turn out to be the most toxic individuals, or your enemies, until it happens to you and you’re left having to deal with betrayal.

You can rack your brain and tear up your heart by trying to figure out why, so to put your mind at ease, so you can get on to the business of dealing with the betrayal by your family, one of the most common reasons you might be betrayed by family is jealousy.

If you’re in a position to enjoy life more fully and completely than your family member who feels he or she is more deserving, they might be tempted to throw a wrench into the machine to cause your potential success to fail. (You might remember this if you have siblings, as there is a constant struggle for familial support.)

A family member might want to knock you down a peg or two in an effort to even the playing field or even usurp their authority over you as if to prove you couldn’t possibly make it without them (and they will destroy you if they have to, to prove it).

Your parent, sibling, or another member of your family might just be a control freak and seek to control you and many areas of your life. Just try exerting your own independence and watch them rear their ugly heads to take notice and knock you down. Then kick you while you’re down there just to teach you a lesson.

Then there are the haters, those negative people who can’t help themselves, their first thought is to attack anyone, for no apparent reason, just to spread the hate. They are hardwired to be hatemongers and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Regardless of why you have been betrayed by your family, nothing hurts worse than being betrayed by those who are closest to you leaving heartfelt wounds and scars, and you must take steps to protect yourself from this kind of abuse.

Do not waste your energy arguing and fighting with the family who has betrayed you.

If you want to know how to get over the betrayal by family members, you have to distance yourself from the abuse. In a sense, you must disavow and relation to the members of your family who have turned against you. I don’t mean to lie to yourself, or anyone else about being related to them, but you must stop treating them like family if they have posted up to treat you as their enemy.

You must treat betraying family members just like anyone else who might abuse or betray you. You need to protect yourself from the abuse and not create opportunities for them to further abuse, trash, or attack you in any way.

When you are attacked by a member of your family, you must treat this person just as you would any other toxic person in your life.

There is life after betrayal. Bless them because they are your family, but walk away, and brush their dirt from your shoes. Don’t look back, and just keep walking.

A genuine family member would support you in all that you do and bless you as you make your own way. They want to see you become the best person you can be and enjoy the best life you could have, even help you in making it happen.

Real family loves and supports you no matter what you’re going through, in your best moments, and those less glamorous, and they love you just the way you are.

If not, you must protect yourself.

See also: Family Betrayal