How to Get Over Betrayal by Family

Who would have thought you would be betrayed by your own family? These are the people you trusted, you grew up with, they’re supposed to have your back, not stab you in the back. Regardless, welcome to the real world with one hell of a wakeup call, so now you need to know how to get over betrayal by family members.

You must come to grips with the fact that betrayal by family members is quite common and has been going on for years. This is a key component of some of the greatest stories and melodramas of all time. There’s something terribly unsettling with not being able to trust your own family.

Who is better qualified to break you down and expose you for every weakness you have, or any misstep you’ve ever made but the people who know you best and have been the closest to you. Even the Bible warns of it, “your worst enemies will be the members of your own family” (Matthew 10:36) and if that wasn’t enough, try this on for size, “Even those closest to you–your parents, brothers, relatives, and friends–will betray you. They will even kill some of you” (Luke 21:16).

While you might expect to be the victim of betrayal of friends or most anyone, it never occurs to you that your family might be the ones who turn out to be the most toxic individuals, or your enemies, until it happens to you and you’re left having to deal with betrayal.

You can rack your brain and tear up your heart by trying to figure out why, so to put your mind at ease, so you can get on to the business of dealing with the betrayal by your family, one of the most common reasons you might be betrayed by family is jealousy.

If you’re in a position to enjoy life more fully and completely than your family member who feels he or she is more deserving, they might be tempted to throw a wrench into the machine to cause your potential success to fail. (You might remember this if you have siblings, as there is a constant struggle for familial support.)

A family member might want to knock you down a peg or two in an effort to even the playing field or even usurp their authority over you as if to prove you couldn’t possibly make it without them (and they will destroy you if they have to, to prove it).

Your parent, sibling, or another member of your family might just be a control freak and seek to control you and many areas of your life. Just try exerting your own independence and watch them rear their ugly heads to take notice and knock you down. Then kick you while you’re down there just to teach you a lesson.

Then there are the haters, those negative people who can’t help themselves, their first thought is to attack anyone, for no apparent reason, just to spread the hate. They are hardwired to be hatemongers and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Regardless of why you have been betrayed by your family, nothing hurts worse than being betrayed by those who are closest to you leaving heartfelt wounds and scars, and you must take steps to protect yourself from this kind of abuse.

Do not waste your energy arguing and fighting with the family who has betrayed you.

If you want to know how to get over the betrayal by family members, you have to distance yourself from the abuse. In a sense, you must disavow and relation to the members of your family who have turned against you. I don’t mean to lie to yourself, or anyone else about being related to them, but you must stop treating them like family if they have posted up to treat you as their enemy.

You must treat betraying family members just like anyone else who might abuse or betray you. You need to protect yourself from the abuse and not create opportunities for them to further abuse, trash, or attack you in any way.

When you are attacked by a member of your family, you must treat this person just as you would any other toxic person in your life.

There is life after betrayal. Bless them because they are your family, but walk away, and brush their dirt from your shoes. Don’t look back, and just keep walking.

A genuine family member would support you in all that you do and bless you as you make your own way. They want to see you become the best person you can be and enjoy the best life you could have, even help you in making it happen.

Real family loves and supports you no matter what you’re going through, in your best moments, and those less glamorous, and they love you just the way you are.

If not, you must protect yourself.

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5 comments


  1. Grandma Soila

    Amen times Two!! I’m sick to my stomach I just found and read a codicil to my moms last will and testament which I don’t believe I was supposed to find this one! This blows my mind she has gifted her airplane hanger and her house at Conchas lake in NM. About five years ago she let him on her credit an account and he stole over $20,000 and now he put his name on her pontoon boat I think he’s in trouble right I need a lawyer fast before something happens and he ended up with everything even this house and I live in if my mom I do not know what has come over him he tells me he never wants to talk to me again and he hates me don’t even let his grandma and his mom see our grandson. I believe, is in order here I also believe you wouldn’t have ever done it without the help of his narcissistic wife who is helped him steal money from my mom I grow more sick to my stomach when I realized she made him a pair on her life insurance my name is supposed to be there I can’t believe this. I promised my mom that I would do everything in my power to get her money back and the pontoon boats and the keys to her house so she can enjoy it she has not been allowed your own house for about 3 years now what’s wrong with kids these days ? He was real close to us before he met his narcissistic wife they’ve been together 14 years now. I’m over them. Karma take over

  2. Janine Fox

    My parents are both gone. They were the best parents ever. I was very lucky to have such wonderful parents. However, abuse is taking place in my family and it’s taken me years to identify. I have an older brother who married to a control freak and an older sister who is jealous of my success. It’s toxic. It’s covert. It’s underhand and it’s so subtle that it’s really hard to articulate. I could go on, but what I want to get round to saying is that after all my crying I am moving on. I have one beautiful little girl. She’s an only child and I take strength from that. Here I am fretting over a life without my brother and sister, when that’s exactly what my little one is destined for. She will have no siblings to worry about. She will therefore be very self reliant and independent. If she can do it, so can I!

    People who abuse in any way are to be pitied. They are not happy. I am enjoying my new village. It’s full of strong minded women and I am making it my business to surround myself with strong minded positive people. My door will always be open for my family should they decide to knock because deep down I love them, but I am learning to not rely on anyone but myself and I see it as a growth experience. It feels good to feel my heart learning.

    Move on and grow.

  3. Janine Fox

    I am going through the same thing. But I have done my crying and am moving on. It’s harming you and you don’t deserve it. You need to walk away – in your heart. Find some positive strong people and start to give your good heart away where it will be appreciated. Go and score some points! It takes time to get over what you are going through. But you can and you will. Its a shock to learn that your family are not who you thought they were. Stuff em!!!

  4. Kieran

    It’s all so common isn’t it? My Mother died over a year ago (Father died 30 years ago), she left (surprisingly) 50/50 of her estate to my Sister and I. We spent a year dealing with her affairs, all was absolutely great between us, for the first time I felt I had a family. Then it came to the distribution of funds, boom, what a change. My dearest Sister even tried to com my Daughter ( her God Daughter (7 years old)) out of small inheritance, the problem was that this was done on a verbal agreement by my Mother.

    Our family was dysfunctional, Narcissistic abuse was prevalent, my Sister was the Golden Child, and I was the Scapegoat. I have been reading about NPD for over 15 years now and it is like a mental cancer in people, or a Demonic presence passed from one generation to the next. After trying everything for years to try and be treated like a human being I have now gone no contact.

    I really like this site page, it’s one of the best I’ve read on betrayal, it deals with betrayal, but if you want to see how far the rabbit hole goes read about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, my guesstimate would be the majority of folk here are in the Narcissists spiders web.

    Look after yourselves and cut out the cancer!

    All the best!!!

  5. Sarah Teague

    I send love and best wishes to everyone on this site. I know that sometimes it’s the people who you would take a bullet for that are the ones behind the trigger. My siblings decided at the end of my 23 year marriage, which was so abusive at the end, including rape, that I wasn’t worth anything to family when I escaped. In fact, they only listened to the Brother In Law and all his quite frankly ridiculous false allegations (abusers will have you labelled a nutcase within a heartbeat, so scared of anyone finding out what they are behind closed doors). Even |I am impressed with quality of his character assassinations. So Far, he has alienated my daughter, twin brother and older sister. I am the fool for trusting in so called family. With rape counselling and the help of friends, I understand that the people you used to think had your back betray you, you have to let them and their abusive ways go. I’ve had a proper hate campaign waged against me. It’s more about their own unhappiness and egos. Nobody needs negativity and abuse in their lives. Everyone is worth something despite people trying to deliberately harm your well being. Nobody is more important than you and your health. Make sure you look after yourselves. Love and peace to all.

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