I always grew up thinking it was normal to be bullied physically, mentally, emotionally, endlessly. I was always shamed, blamed and in trouble. Fast forward to age 61 and nothing has changed.
I always hoped that somehow this ‘normal’ could be purged with forgiveness, love and being the bigger guy.
My widowed ‘mother’ screwed me over for 11 years with her neediness while my siblings went on holidays and tended their own nests. I helped with everything she needed to “live independently” and recently spent six gruelling months organising in home aged care in a highly un navigable system. I had surgeries myself that i was recovering from, and needed to keep working a i am a divorcee on a low income. I was arguing a lot with her because she demanded so much and refused to follow doctors instructions often, and refused to address her hearing loss that is largely selective. I put my hand up for help and my “brother” said he would take over for awhile as he was retiring. We had a conversation during which he validated all my concerns and added a few of his own. I gave him details of everything in complete trust and faith following that conversation. The deal was that i would be on hand to help as needed and to take back over when he needed a break. He and “mum” then, without any word to me, changed all contact details, barred me, stripped me of powers of attorney snd guardianship, and undoubtedly exec of estate and altered the will. I wrote to her and expressed my disgust and sadness…that i would do mediation but no response.
I do not believe that she would be deemed unfit to change poa etc as she can turn the charm on and off, but i do believe she would be easily coerced by her son to do anything he wants as no matter how negligent a nd absent he has been, he has always and forever been her golden boy and i have always and forever been the scapegoat.
There is a will, and i know that it will be changed and that i can challenge it on several grounds, but that is not my focus right now. I am independent and have not used her as a financial crutch in any form. I never even asked for petrol money. I am gutted that people who i have tried to love and give a fair go would treat me worse than a criminal. But they do a d they did.
I do get cranky and swear and slam the odd door, but not without immense provocation. Her last words to me were “fuck off”. So i did. And i will remain fucked off, even when she inevitably has a fall or needs something done, or when this honeymoon phase is over and her usually MIA offsprings arent visiting her so much….novelty worn off..
I am very upset at myself for offering up, unconditionslly, such a chunk of my life that i will never get back. I cannot apologise to myself enough. It is that list chunk of life that i grieve for, and need to move on with life.
If she begged me to return to her life now, there would be boundaries. But she would never agree to them as he would not let her. So i am moving on with life as best as i can and consider that it would be unhealthy for me to attend her funeral when that time comes.
I wish on every star in the universe and beyond that i had broken contact many years afo.