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Family Betrayal, Trust and Betrayal

Take Back Your Power from Family Betrayal

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TAKE BACK YOUR POWER

Now you’re back in the driver’s seat of your life, you’re taking your power back. From here, you can safely and assuredly do what you need to do to confidently set the boundaries to protect you from the family member who stabbed you in the back.

It’s up to you.

You can still maintain a relationship with a family member who has betrayed you, just remember this:

Do Not Retaliate.

If you do, that just makes you sink to their level, and it’s an indication to them that they won.

If they can get you to react, they win.

It proves they have control.

Don’t give them the satisfaction.

Instead, bless them.

I use Hoʻoponopono.

You can place your hand over your heart and say (with your inside voice, but it can be interesting when you try it with your outside voice) these words:

I’M SORRY.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

THANK YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

These releases both them from you, and you from them, without any judgment.

Do not respond. Just let it be. Change the subject, or walk away.

No defense. No guilt. No accusation. No shame. Only love.

If they keep hounding you, you are under no obligation to put up with that.

Leave.

They may be family, but you already know you can’t trust ‘em as far as you can throw ‘em. So love ‘em but keep yourself at a safe distance.

After a while, they may come back and want to ask forgiveness and reconcile with you.

You’re still loving them, but you don’t have to trust them.

If you choose to, you can allow them to prove their trustworthiness, little by little, over time.

You can forgive them, but you’re no fool.

You learn from their past transgressions.

You don’t judge them for it, because who knows what was going on in their life when they betrayed you. Life changes. People and circumstances change. You are highly adaptive, and you are not accusatory because that’s beneath you.

You are cautiously aware.

God bless you for getting free and taking your power back.

If you’d like to take more steps to get complete control of your life, you can check in with any of my friends at St Paul’s Free University, or if you think you’re being called to help others who have been betrayed by family, you can get ahold of any of us here today, and we can help you help others who are walking in those very same shoes.

Or you can contact me. I’m David M Masters, and you can find me at davidmmasters.com

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Family Betrayal, Trust and Betrayal

Family Betrayal Disconnecting the Emotional Control

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Here is a simple method that you may employ for disconnecting the emotional control your family member is wielding over you which keeps you disabled. This is how you get free from the burden imposed by family betrayal.

Tap Cross Therapy (TCT)

We are going to apply some Tap Cross Therapy to quickly and easily release the psychological, emotional, and physiological pain from the betrayal, so that you can have the emotional bandwidth to get back on your feet because without this emotional space you are more likely than not going to be focusing on the transgression more than on your own life.

This can lead to obsessive behavior when you just can’t think of anything else but the crime that’s been committed against you making you relentlessly and continuously the ongoing victim.

If you can release yourself from the pain, you can focus on you and your life again.

I’m going to demonstrate on myself, so that you can see the points on your head, then on your body, where we are going to tap in succession.

First, the third eye between and slightly above the eyebrow line, then the chin, followed by the outside bone at the corner of the eye and the other eye. Then we will tap similar points on the body because there is a lot of negative energy stored not only in your head but the body as well.

Start by tapping on the forehead again, the belly or solar plexus, the shoulder, then the other shoulder.

Before we get started, I want you to get a firm picture of your family member that betrayed you, stabbed you in the back, and ramp up the feelings of anger, of hurt, of all the emotional bruising, because you’ve been victimized by someone you should have been able to trust more than anyone.

Think of all the emotional bruising, the unseen inner wounds, and scars. The disgust, the beating yourself us, because not you feel like you should have never trusted them in the first place. Your bleeding heart and the scars from these transgressions which have been left behind.

Put your mind on these things, how wrong it was, how you were wronged and on a scale of 1 to 10 get your emotional state up to a ten, and you are clearly hurt and pissed.

So, when you say the words, “You betrayed me.” You feel it all, everything, all the pain, drama, and trauma, at a level ten. Ready? Let’s do it. Repeat after me, “You betrayed me.”

Oh, man, I can feel that. I’d be pissed, too, but you can do better. Ramp it up more, you were betrayed. Hello? Make me feel it, get angry, and repeat after me, “You betrayed me!”

Okay, I believe you. It’s time to get yourself free.

We’re going to be repeating the following phrase as we tap each one of these locations.

“I LOVE YOU

I TRUSTED YOU

YOU BETRAYED ME

YOU HURT ME

BUT THIS STOPS

HERE AND NOW

YOU CAN’T CONTROL MY LIFE

I’M TAKING MY POWER BACK

YOU CAN’T HURT ME ANYMORE

I AM FREE.”

Repeated eight times, once at each tapping point.

Put your hands together, respectfully bow, and say, “I love you.”

And you are free indeed.

You started at a level 10, on a scale of one to 10, now weigh the words, “You betrayed me.”

See? An amazing transformation, a miracle happened right here, right now in this room.

We could have spent months in counseling and therapy to get you to this sacred space of freedom from the pain and angst from this betrayal, and we did it right here, in just a few minutes.

This is my gift to you. You can conduct Tap Cross Therapy on yourself, anytime, anywhere, you need to establish safe and sacred space, to get control of your faculties when someone’s betrayed you, or you are feeling overwhelmed by negative emotion about anything.

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Family Betrayal, Trust and Betrayal

Family Betrayal Cut the Cord that Binds You

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CUT THE CORD

We’re going to cut that cord today, so that you can stop letting them drain you of your power, allowing you to get a grip and get ready to take your life back.

With respect to all our participants here today, and all those that are watching live, online, I am going to take you through a process that will cut the cord between you and your betrayer.

If you are a little freaked out about engaging a process which may connect the energetic tie that binds you to your family member, keep this in mind:

You can participate in this exercise and break the tie, and if you feel like it was a bad idea, you can reconnect the cord at any time.

So, if you’re ready, I want you to clean off your lap, stop taking notes, and put your hand on your heart, and close your eyes.

Take a deep breath in, hold it. When you release it, say “Ahhh…” Ready? Ahhh….

Good job.

This next breath in, I want you to imagine your breath going right into the area of your heart. Ready?

Breathe in. Hold it. This time when we release the breath we’re going to “Ah” with a little more energy and enthusiasm. Ready, “Ahhhh!”

Okay, now I want you to rub your hands together, like this, just like as if you were sharpening a knife or a saw. Your hands are going to be the tool we are going to use to cut the cord. Keep sharpening.

Do you feel the warmth?  Okay.

Put your hands palm-down on your lap.

Open your eyes.

Now, watch me I will show you the cutting process, then I want you to do it in unison with me.

If goes, like this, I slap my legs twice, then clap my hands. I’m going to do this three times. On the third time, when I clap my hands together, we’re going to hold them briefly while I count to three, then with force, we’re going to push them past each other in a cutting motion and say, “Cut!” Like this… (see example)

Ready? Here we go.

Slap slap clap

Reset

Slap slap clap

Reset

Slap slap clap hot it!

1, 2, 3, CUT!

Okay, put your hand on your heart and repeat after me,

“I’m sorry.” (I’m sorry)

“I love you.” (I love you.)

“But you gotta go.” (But you gotta go.)

Now wave, and say, “Bye bye.” (Bye bye.)

Now you are free.

Now, it’s not over. We still have work to do, but at least you’re disconnected.

This will give you some space and keep them from draining energy from you. And they will try to reconnect to you again, because they will notice the loss of your energy, and if they do, all you have to do is rub your hands together, do the cutting motion and say, “Cut,” to yourself. Then you’re free again.

Now it’s time to release the emotional angst, those feelings from being betrayed by someone you trusted, by someone you should be able to trust, by your family member.

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Family Betrayal, Trust and Betrayal

Stop Family Betrayal Who is Most Likely to Stab You in the Back

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When you’ve been betrayed, you need to stop the active negative vibration of that relationship. Every second that you are allowing yourself to marinate in the vibration of betrayal you die a little bit.

I’m not kidding, family betrayal is more serious than a heart attack.

Every moment that passes and you are in that vibration, your immunity system is compromised.

The longer you stew in it, your biological system rots away. You lose sleep. You are more susceptible to disease and decay. And if you let it go long enough, you can get Cancer. Let it go long enough, and you will die.

So, the first order of business is to get yourself toa place of safety and security.

Remove yourself from the vicinity of the family member who has betrayed you.

If for whatever reason you are unable to isolate yourself from the perpetrator, then you can create a safe place within your physical environment. Stay in your room if you have one, and if you don’t have a room, you can pull a Viktor Frankl and create a safe place in your mind.

Frankel was a Nazi war-crime medical guinea pig, who was tortured by Nazi scientists as they conducted despicable experiments on his body, but he was not going give them the satisfaction of destroying him, so he made a safe place to go to in his mind.

He vowed that while they may be able to torture his body, he was not going to let them have him, who he really was, and he protected his mind, heart, and soul by creating a safe place, a refuge of solitude that he would go to in his mind.

If you’re interested in finding out more about Viktor Frankl, you can check out his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, if you dare. It is brutal, enlightening, and if you’re feeling like you’ve got it bad, believe me, it could be worse.

Okay, let’s say you’ve created a safe environment for yourself, what do you do next?

Then begins the process. The process of dealing with the emotional trauma of the family betrayal.

You must be willing to create your own identity, separate from the family member, whoever it is.

Who is the family member who is most likely to stab you in the back?

You might be surprised to discover that your mother is the most likely the family member who will betray your trust, followed by your spouse, then both parents?

What? Is that crazy?

If you can’t trust your mom, who can you trust?

The Top 7 Family Members Who Will Betray You

  1. Mother
  2. Spouse (3x male)
  3. Mother and Father
  4. Children (3x male)
  5. Sibling (3x female)
  6. In-laws
  7. Extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc.)

Interestingly, male spouses and children are 3-times more likely to stab you in the back, while female siblings are 3-times more likely to betray their siblings.

Now that we know which family members are betraying you, what can you do about it?

Cut Them Loose
& Let Them Go

Cutting a family member loose is not as easy as it sounds because the bond goes very deep. It’s as if you are connected by a very strong cord, and you are.

The invisible cord that emotionally binds you to your family members is not unlike an umbilical cord. It is an energetic cord which you share that energy passes back and forth between the two of you. When negative energy is transmitted by your family, you feel it.

And when they desire to drain your energy for themselves, you feel the life force as it drains from you. When a family member sucks the life out of you, this is not unlike an energy vampire.

If you don’t do something to cut the cord, he or she will continue to drain you of your resources until there is nothing left of you.

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Family Betrayal, Trust and Betrayal

Family Betrayal

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By David M Masters

Most people are never the victims of family betrayal, but know this: when you are stabbed in the back by a family member, you are not alone. You’re not the only one who’s been betrayed by family, though there is nothing more surprising, because

If you can’t trust your family?

Who can you trust?

These are the people with whom you share a sacred biological hereditary and familial bond. You share the same family tree, yet here you are face to face with someone you were closer to than anyone else, should be able to trust more than anyone else, who would give the devil a run for his money.

So, the wounds you suffer when you’ve been betrayed by family cut deeper than any other type of emotional of physiological wound you could suffer at the hands of any perpetrator or evildoer you could ever encounter in your life.

And I know something about the pain you’re going through.

My name is David M Masters, the author of Trust Betrayal, transfiguration specialist, lead trainer and coach at St. Paul’s Free University. And this is my family. These priceless treasures are the reason I do what I do and continue to live and breathe every day. And I could not imagine betraying them in any way.

But “family” is more than blood.

Family is a relationship that surpasses the boundaries of blood, or even legal obligation. You are bonded by something sacred and trustworthy. That is until that bond has been violated by betrayal.

If you’ve read the bible, you may have noticed that the first family recorded depicts the worst of the worst circumstances in dysfunctional family dynamics where in this worst examples of sibling rivalry plays out with Abel’s being betrayed by family member, Cain, his own brother who killed Abel in cold blood.

So the propensity for violence and abuse from within the family unit is nothing new, and since then it’s only gotten worse.

How could this happen?

Well, there is this sociological mechanism that has been put into place to keep us separated and the whole world profits from family dysfunction and betrayal.

We’ve come a long way from life on the farm, in a time that you couldn’t live without reliance on your family, not for very long anyway, and if you did leave and strike out a path of your own, chances were very slim you would survive such a decision. So, trust was extremely important, because back then, families were not made up of individuals, a family was a cohesive solid relationship, necessary to be tended to in order to survive.

Today, family is like most things, where the trend is toward disposing of anything you don’t want or are done with. This does not just refer to packaging or disposable diapers. This thought process is permeating every system and function of our modern culture and is infiltrating the once-sacred family unit resulting in disposable families.

You are connected to your family and its natural to feel that connection. Your family is the first representation any of us experience in terms of love, and it creates a bond that is sometimes destructive. For instance,

If a social worker comes into a family to retrieve a child with bruises and broken bones to take the child into safety, the child will kick, scream, and violently resist in an attempt to remain with the abusive family member.

Is that you?

Look at you. You’re all grown up. You know now that if someone is pummeling you, you need to stop that activity and get yourself to a safe place, right now.

If someone in your family has betrayed you, ask yourself:

Is this family member toxic to me?

If the answer is yes, you need to take action to protect yourself. Why?

Because when you are being betrayed by a family member, someone you trusted more than anything – which you should be able to do – Right?

I mean, you wouldn’t do that to any member of your family.

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Stories Shared

Betrayed by My Family

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I also know what it is like to be betrayed again and again by my family.

Just tonight I rang my father to tell him I’d found the mother and her child that my sister had denied was the result of a union with her deceased son 18 years ago.

I know, it sounds positively Dickensian.

My father had asked me to find out the woman’s name and details a week ago. I needed to speak to my youngest sister to get those details. I had recently discovered that I had been told what appears to have been a series of lies that repudiated the baby’s paternity and maligned the mother’s character.

My nephew’s superannuation appears to have been the reason the mother’s claim was rejected. My youngest sister provided the contradictory evidence. She then volunteered to find the current whereabouts of the woman and her child., but I felt she was going to procrastinate as she has done before.

My dad had asked me to find out the identity and name of the mother with a view to knowing more about her and her child.

Today I rang my father with the news he had been looking for; I had found her. My father crossly said, “Now what did you do that for?” I replied, “Because it is the right thing to do and you asked me to!” He then gave me a long spiel about how unfair I had been to put the matter onto my sister who “already had far too much on her plate”.

He went on to repeat even more negative information about the young woman told to him by my youngest sister, suggesting she had not only one extra boyfriend to my deceased nephew, but two. This is new gossip about the woman.

I really feel that both my sisters have consistently slandered this woman. There is simply too much information that is sordid and too much of it is contradictory.

Both sisters have revealed a propensity to lie in the past.

My youngest sister told my father that the woman had never reached out to the family. That is simply not true. She reached out to both my sisters and two of my nieces, inviting them to her son’s Christening, but they all rebuffed her. I repeatedly tried to explain to my father that my sister had volunteered to find the woman.

I had later decided to go ahead as well as my sister had been very unclear about when, as well as where she would look for the woman and now 18 year old child. She has a history of making commitments and not following through on them.

Once again I feel betrayed by my sister. As a result of talking to my youngest sister, my father has decided that this woman is evil and she would only bring problems to the family.

He is no longer interested in knowing her and her child even though there is a strong possibility that the child is his great-grandson.

It has been years since I have had anything to do with my sisters. I only recently, at my father’s request began seeing them again.

Despite helping both of them almost whenever they’ve asked me, they have ganged up on me time and time again. They demonize me and do not speak to me for years at a time

Friends warned me not to get too involved with my sisters again this time. I think they were right. Now my youngest sister is laying low and won’t even answer the phone to me.

This is all taking place at the same time as I am taking care of her adult son, rent/board free who has had a lot of issues.

I despair of ever getting through to my sisters. I really feel they both suffer from borderline personality disorder. The youngest one is too easily led by the older one. I have realised that I am completely out-of-step with both of them because I have a totally different value system.

I am about doing the right thing. My sisters operate on the basis of expediency and self-interest. They are about “letting sleeping dogs lie” as my father said.

I am also really cross with my father. He may be an old man, but he knows right from wrong and he had been fully supportive of my quest before my youngest sister got into his ear. He really will not think things through for himself.

I have decided that I am going to go ahead and contact this woman and meet her son and judge the situation for myself, without telling the rest of the family.

My nephew, currently living with me, is 100% supportive of me, saying that his mother is too easily poisoned in her thinking by my other sister. He agrees that it is the right thing to do to contact the woman and her son to find out the truth and establish an ongoing relationship if at all possible.

~Julie-Anne Bennett

Stories Shared

I Get Family Betrayal

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I truly, truly understand what the people who are betrayed by their families are going through.

I have been betrayed by my daughter and son-in-law. They were experiencing cash flow problems, so I lent them a lot of money in good faith, thinking that of course, they would pay me back.

However, all I’ve had in return for my generosity is lies and deceit. Whenever I try to broach the subject of the money with my daughter she gets very abusive, and I just end up feeling devastated.

I’m 61 and was relying on that money to help me in my retirement, but they have cleaned me out. They are better off now. Far better off than me. But it looks as if, sadly, I’m not going to get my money back.

I’m heartbroken.

I have no other family to turn to.

One of my sisters lives on the other side of the world and the other lives in a different part of the country, and she doesn’t want to be seen as the bad aunt by supporting me, which is ironic because my daughter can’t stand her and her family. Not that my sisters and I were ever close in the first place. My mother made sure of that!

My daughter also makes it very difficult for me to see my grandchildren, so it’s a double whammy of betrayal. I don’t think she has said a kind word to me in years, even though I have tried my best to be a supportive mother. I know that I’ve done a lot more for her than some mothers I know would do for their children, so I just don’t get it!

Why? Why? Why?

My daughter is toxic beyond belief. She told me recently that she is happier not having me in her life. Of course, if I’m not in her life, she won’t have to pay me back will she?

I know that I’ve just got to accept that she is lost to me. Being without family is indeed a very lonely place to be.

With that in mind, I would like to start a support network for like-minded people. Is there anything this site can do to help me in this endeavor?

~Lynn Dean

Stories Shared

I Tried to Be Good but Was Betrayed by My Own Family

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I’m crying after reading How to Get Over Betrayal by Family.

My whole life I tried to be the good daughter but the harder I tried the more my family beat up on me. I was the scapegoat.

Every single success I had was met with name calling or criticism or beatings.

Even as an adult, I was treated differently from my siblings.

There was one point in my life where my sister betrayed me and my children then I found out through my father, so matter of factly, that he and my mother were also behind it.

One could say I was conspired against. The worst part about this was I was just on the crux of ‘making it’ it a very competitive industry. They sabotaged me so badly that I was in financial ruin and couldn’t attend a huge presentation for one of my projects. I missed something so special to me. I had been working on it for years. But that wasn’t the end of it.

Even from afar they would call people up and tell them what a rotten mother I was.

My mother died recently and nobody bothered to tell me. Not that I shed a tear since I can’t imagine my worst enemy doing what she did to me throughout my childhood. But again, my siblings probably raided the house. She died without ever saying she was sorry or was proud of me or loved me.

This happens to a lot with people. And since we still go by ‘honour your parents’, people don’t talk about the abuse and betrayal at the hands of their own family.

This leads to self-blame and a continuation of attracting saboteurs.

I told my doctor, I get better treatment from strangers than my own family. Knowing my history, she said she wasn’t surprised.

In my case, I will probably never see any of my family again. Which, logically, I know is the right thing for me, but I still need to give up and truly mourn the dream of ever having a loving father and siblings.

~MK

Family Betrayal, News

How to Get Over Betrayal by Family

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Who would have thought you would be betrayed by your own family? These are the people you trusted, you grew up with, they’re supposed to have your back, not stab you in the back. Regardless, welcome to the real world with one hell of a wakeup call, so now you need to know how to get over betrayal by family members.

You must come to grips with the fact that betrayal by family members is quite common and has been going on for years. This is a key component of some of the greatest stories and melodramas of all time. There’s something terribly unsettling with not being able to trust your own family.

Who is better qualified to break you down and expose you for every weakness you have, or any misstep you’ve ever made but the people who know you best and have been the closest to you. Even the Bible warns of it, “your worst enemies will be the members of your own family” (Matthew 10:36) and if that wasn’t enough, try this on for size, “Even those closest to you–your parents, brothers, relatives, and friends–will betray you. They will even kill some of you” (Luke 21:16).

While you might expect to be the victim of betrayal of friends or most anyone, it never occurs to you that your family might be the ones who turn out to be the most toxic individuals, or your enemies, until it happens to you and you’re left having to deal with betrayal.

You can rack your brain and tear up your heart by trying to figure out why, so to put your mind at ease, so you can get on to the business of dealing with the betrayal by your family, one of the most common reasons you might be betrayed by family is jealousy.

If you’re in a position to enjoy life more fully and completely than your family member who feels he or she is more deserving, they might be tempted to throw a wrench into the machine to cause your potential success to fail. (You might remember this if you have siblings, as there is a constant struggle for familial support.)

A family member might want to knock you down a peg or two in an effort to even the playing field or even usurp their authority over you as if to prove you couldn’t possibly make it without them (and they will destroy you if they have to, to prove it).

Your parent, sibling, or another member of your family might just be a control freak and seek to control you and many areas of your life. Just try exerting your own independence and watch them rear their ugly heads to take notice and knock you down. Then kick you while you’re down there just to teach you a lesson.

Then there are the haters, those negative people who can’t help themselves, their first thought is to attack anyone, for no apparent reason, just to spread the hate. They are hardwired to be hatemongers and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Regardless of why you have been betrayed by your family, nothing hurts worse than being betrayed by those who are closest to you leaving heartfelt wounds and scars, and you must take steps to protect yourself from this kind of abuse.

Do not waste your energy arguing and fighting with the family who has betrayed you.

If you want to know how to get over the betrayal by family members, you have to distance yourself from the abuse. In a sense, you must disavow and relation to the members of your family who have turned against you. I don’t mean to lie to yourself, or anyone else about being related to them, but you must stop treating them like family if they have posted up to treat you as their enemy.

You must treat betraying family members just like anyone else who might abuse or betray you. You need to protect yourself from the abuse and not create opportunities for them to further abuse, trash, or attack you in any way.

When you are attacked by a member of your family, you must treat this person just as you would any other toxic person in your life.

There is life after betrayal. Bless them because they are your family, but walk away, and brush their dirt from your shoes. Don’t look back, and just keep walking.

A genuine family member would support you in all that you do and bless you as you make your own way. They want to see you become the best person you can be and enjoy the best life you could have, even help you in making it happen.

Real family loves and supports you no matter what you’re going through, in your best moments, and those less glamorous, and they love you just the way you are.

If not, you must protect yourself.

See also: Family Betrayal